It’s strange how your childhood sort of feels like forever. Then suddenly you’re sixteen and the world becomes an hourglass and you’re watching the sand pile up at the wrong end. And you’re thinking of how when you were just a kid, your heartbeat was like a kick drum at a rock show, and now it’s just a time bomb ticking out. And it’s sad. And you want to forget about dying. But mostly you just want to forget about saying goodbye.

I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.

I am an emergency
I’m 16 missed calls from your mom
I’m panic setting into your stomach
I’m nails bitten down so far that your fingers are bleeding
my voice sounds like sirens
and I taste like unlocked doors you could’ve sworn you locked
and blood all over the fucking kitchen floor
I’m the feeling in the bottom of your throat when you know that what happened here tonight
cannot be undone
and I know that you love me
but your mouth will always freeze up when you have to dial 911
I am an emergency
and you’ve never been good
under pressure